Kathy I am Going undercover, Pass the peas?
by Raychel
Summary: One Shot  for now, not for long  that was inspired by discussion of the Bombshell Bubbletweet. Elliot decides to let his whole family know that he has to go undercover with Olivia... at least he's letting Kathy know this time right? Giggles ensued :D


AN: A serious one shot inspired by discussion on SVUfans. After this bubbletweet of El and Liv going undercover in a sex club… This is a one shot right now but could develop later. Check out my video/the tweet on my channel JuniperBRZE. Love you guys and happy reading. WARNING, this story is meant to be ridiculous. I do not own anything.

"Elliot… you're home early!" Kathy Stabler said in such surprise that it was as if a stranger had just walked into the dining room. Detective for Special Victims NYPD looked around at his family who were seated for dinner. His twins Dickie and Lizzie were sitting opposite of one another and his youngest Eli was sitting in his booster chair.

"Hi daddy," Lizzie greeted her father, "I didn't set you a plate… but I can!"

"Elizabeth, you're father can seat himself." Kathy put on her best stern face and Lizzie's face fell as if she had been excited to get away from the dinner table for a moment.

"I can't stay long; I just came to surprise you." Elliot walked over to Kathy who was serving chicken casserole onto everyone's plate. Elliot was not sure what he had expected, maybe a hug or a kiss on the cheek but Kathy seemed to be put off for some reason. Elliot looked down at his son who was on his phone texting.

"Mom, I have a date with Amber tonight so I am going to out late," Dickie said without looking at his mother.

"Is this how dinner time always is?" Elliot asked loudly getting everyone's attention.

"Well, we have homework usually." Lizzie took a piece of bread and watched her father get a plate from the china cabinet and sat down.

"Well, like I said… I can't stay too long guys. Liv and I have an all nighter so-"Elliot was cut off by Kathy's loud coughing and set down Dickie's plate. Everyone looked at her, including Eli.

"You have those a lot don't ya dad?" Dickie asked, still looking down at his phone. Elliot reached over and took his son's device out of his hand and stuck it in his pocket, "Hey! I was texting Amber!"

"Like I was saying…" Elliot looked at Kathy who was now sitting down, looking tired, "I won't be home tonight so… I came home to have dinner with you guys."

"You could have called." Kathy said, taking a sip of her wine.

"Um…" Elliot looked confused, "This is my house… right?"

"Well, now I don't know if I made enough for everyone." Kathy shrugged as if it were the end of the world.

"Oh my God and you wonder why I distract on my phone dad. Mom has been in such a bad mood lately." Dickie made a face as he took a bite of his casserole.

"Your mother works very hard, give her a break or I keep your phone." Elliot threatened and Dickie held back a reply.

"So, you are working all night?" Kathy said above everyone and Elliot focused back on her.

"Yeah."

"Well thank you for coming home to eat with us," Lizzie said sweetly and Elliot smiled at his daughter.

"Of course honey."

"How is Olivia?" Kathy asked, trying to sound nice but she sounded scornful.

"She's… not too good… she um… lost that kid she was watching…" Elliot bit his lip and Kathy all of the sudden looked deflated.

"Oh… well give her my condolences." Kathy said and the family ate in silence all of the sudden.

"I also came home to let you guys know that I am going undercover." Elliot announced as Lizzie was passing the peas to her mother.

"What?" Kathy asked in a tone of disbelief.

"Yes, I am going undercover."

"For how long?" Lizzie sounded sad.

"And you are actually telling me this time?" Kathy asked, setting the peas down.

"Liv and I have to go for a week or two, it's a tail we have been on for a while now and it seems the only way to really get this guy is to go in." Elliot stuffed his mouth with a forkful of casserole.

"What kind of undercover operation is this?" Kathy asked, getting red in the face.

"Aw man, do you guys have to pretend to be married again?" Dickie asked, changing the atmosphere of the room. All of the sudden Kathy was up from the table and the napkin that had been in her lap went flying.

"WHAT?"

"Now Kathy the reason I did not tell you was because I knew you would get upset!" Elliot gave Dickie a death glare and shook his head.

"I'm never going to see my phone ever again am I?" Dickie asked in a low voice.

"As of now you have no network." Elliot told Dickie before going after Kathy into the kitchen.

"You have been pretending to be married to her?" Kathy did not hide her words.

"It was the job! It wasn't like we ever did anything," Elliot gulped a little, flashing back to the night Olivia posed as a prostitute.

"Oh really? So how does someone pretend to be married without touching?" Elliot had no idea what to say, "I mean, I get that you go undercover sometimes but as a married couple?"

"Kathy, it is not what you think. Liv and I act like we are married to get the bad guys; it is for the greater good!" Elliot said desperately.

"Feeling up your partner is for the greater good?" Kathy asked in a monotone.

"You know my hands have never… really done much feeling up…" Elliot felt his face flush.

"I see how hot your partner is Elliot," Kathy shook her head, "So what is this undercover operation for anyhow? That lasts a week or two?"

"I am really not sure you want to know," Elliot scratched the back of his neck and got calm.

"Oh trust me I do." Kathy gave a dry laugh.

"Well… we're not married." Elliot gave a small smile but Kathy was not impressed.

"Elliot Stabler, tell me. Now."

"You can't freak out though," Elliot put his hands up in an offer of peace.

"Oh that's a good start." Kathy did not look amused.

"All it is… is I am pretending to be a man who… has a…. um… a sex pet." Elliot did not have to guess what was about to happen next. Kathy was already up the stairs and Elliot went through the dining table and his kids looked at him, "So dead and so grounded forever," Elliot told Dickie who was no longer eating his dinner.

"Dad, I thought you told mom!"

"Here's a pillow!" Kathy called, throwing down Elliot's pillow and then a blanket fell on him as he went to the bottom of the stairs.

"Now honey… don't be like that." Elliot called as a duffel fell to his feet and he looked down, "What the hell?"

"Have a good undercover trip; hopefully you can rethink a few things with your… pet." Kathy came down the stairs and opened the front door.

"Kathy… you can't be serious. It is just undercover!" Elliot said, still holding his blanket and pillow.

"I don't want to talk to you right now. Hey, I am sure Olivia will let you stay on her couch… or even better… her bed!" Kathy grabbed the duffel and threw it out onto the porch and then took Elliot's hand, "Kids say bye to your father, and he is going on a trip,"

"Bye dad… love you?" Lizzie looked confused and Dickie was in the dining room making crying noises.

"Mom! Now I will never get my phone back!"

"Love you guys, I will see you in a few weeks." Elliot called out before he was shoved out of the door. Looking down at his duffel and shivering at the cool air he scowled. Elliot was used to Kathy's outbursts and he was honestly getting sick of them. Getting into his car, he began to drive to where his head automatically took him. He decided to call to see if she was home first.

"Benson," Olivia answered her phone with some noise in the background.

"Liv?" Elliot asked in confusion forgetting why he called for the moment.

"El? I thought that you were going home for dinner," Olivia sounded like she was struggling with something.

"Uh yeah… about that… hey are you ok?"

"I kind of tried to bake something and… well let's just say if they don't call the fire department I will be shocked…. So if you are not home where are you?" Olivia sounded like she was opening her windows, "El… are you outside of my apartment?" Elliot looked to his left and saw Olivia poking her head out of her window and he waved as she just stared at him.

"Hi Liv… was in the neighborhood." Elliot tried to joke.

"You told her didn't you?" Olivia left the window but stayed on the phone.

"I kind of had to." Elliot got out of the car and grabbed his stuff while keeping Olivia on the phone.

"Really?" Olivia sounded amused, "So let me guess… you are sleeping in your car tonight?"

"Actually," Elliot made his way to her floor with ease and knocked on her door with his elbow. Olivia opened the door and they hung up and she just stared at him, "I was wondering if you wanted company tonight…" 

**A one shot for now… cause I have way too many going on but what did you guys think? You like it? It was fun to write!**


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